Get Obsessed

Get obsessed, totally obsessed.
There's no use just liking what you do.
Get obsessed with it.
- Mario Testino


That's me. That's how I am. Obsessed When it comes to anything -- my work, my interests, my relationships -- I take it to the highest level. I can't just have an etsy side hustle; I had to expand it all the way out to a full time job that keeps me up until 3am most nights. I can't just have friends over for dinner and a movie; its gotta be a full-blown themed affair with special cutlery and dessert buffet. I couldn't just date a guy in college; I made him move with me across the country four months after we met.

And that's how I feel about Twilight. That's why I'm wearing this Kristen Stewart tee shirt while walking Bucket in the park.

I used to be ashamed of the things I love. When I purchased Twilight in the bookstore, I blushed as I passed the volume to the clerk. “This is embarrassing.”

“You should be proud of what you read,” he retorted. 

At the time I took that to mean read something different. Now I understand what maybe even he didn’t mean to say: be proud. Get excited. Become obsessed. 

With or without his permission, I did just that. 

I’ve always had an obsessive personality. When I love something, I go all the way in, I research every facet, memorize every line. I’ve felt that way about a lot of things — *NSYNC, fundamentalist Mormonism {yeah, that was a weird thing to want to know everything single thing about}, fashion design — but when Twilight came into my life, it was like I was struck by lightning. I was electrified. And I was forever changed. 

It's hard to pinpoint what exactly spoke to me about this series, but now, more than a decade on from my first contact with the saga, I can confidently say that I am more enamored than ever. 

Twilight saw me through an exceptionally challenging and competitive semester in college. My late night binge-and-sew routine was created and honed during the winter of my junior year. I lived alone, and Edward and Bella were my company as I toiled away on princess seams, wool coat lapels, and draped raw silk. 

I'm also pretty sure I almost failed junior year pattern drafting because I was hitting refresh on my iPhone 3G under the cutting table trying to catch the morning updates on -- which still seems to exist in some iteration -- was the vessel that held my obsession, it was a magical playground where I met some of my very favorite people, humans I have travelled with, called crying, and relied on both to bounce my twi-citement off of, but also cope with real life events.

I wish I would describe and 2009 it with the fervor it deserves, but let me just say that I honestly lived for their daily blog posts. The mods were celebrities unto them selves. A new post would cause my vision to tunnel as I reached almost blackout-levels of excitement. The comments section blossomed with nesting conversations that were taken off-site to twitter accounts masked still with our disqus monikers. And soon, through private messages organized in hootsuite, my Twilight BFF became my "wife," a new echelon of friendship I had never previously unlocked. Updates on everything from movie stills, extended trailers (#teamnovids, anyone?), to paparazzi pix of Kristen and Rob kissing on the streets of Los Angeles (I was with my wife-sten at the time and we both FLIPPED out) lent punctuation to my stressful college days, and gave me something to look forward to. 

Especially after a particularly crushing breakup during the summer before my senior year, Twilight was a life raft. It was always there for me. It never changed or surprised me. Twilight itself, and even more so, my fellow fans, filled me with so much joy. Which is why, when I said to my therapist recently, "the only thing that brings me joy right now is Twilight. I can't make myself stop watching it," she replied with "if it makes you happy, why would you want to stop doing it?"

The last two years of my life have been a particularly rocky season. Faced with pregnancy loss, infertility, a stressful (but amazing) career, an interstate move, the challenges of living without a partner 50% of the time, along with the highs that come on the flipside of all those coins -- a new home, the joy of starting a family, personal freedom, a life full of travel -- it's be nice to sink back into my constant... something that was waiting for me even during the months and years I didn't love it like I do, something that still continues to develop, to bring me closer to old friends and helps me make new ones, something that has always wrapped me in comfort and delighted me with beauty: The Twilight Saga.

So, whatever it is that you love. Get obsessed. And don't let anyone stop you.

J Crew Blazer -- currently on sale!


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