Looking backwards to move forwards

2017 was a super hard year. I think a lot of us can say that. The world felt like it was falling apart. Between hurricanes, shootings, tweets, fires, bills, news... it's a miracle any of us went outside. Personally, the past year just feels like a total failure. It's hard for me to look at it any other way. I had set out a goal to become a parent in the last calendar year, and I failed. Twice. 

After two miscarriages, it's difficult to look at myself and not find fault, and it's also so hard to see past all of that sadness, doubt, guilt, and fear.

But as I was looking through photos for our holiday card this year, I realized how much fun stuff we did, and how many good things happened.

First of all, we bought a house! I can't proceed with this post or the rest of my life without recognizing what a feat that was. Looking back on this post reminds me of how desperate I was to feel settled, and owning our beautiful, perfect-for-us, cozy, hill side home is a huge huge huge factor in that. I promise I'll post more about the renovations and changes we've made... it's just our house rarely feels photo-ready!

I got the play with armadillos! I know this seems so silly, but truly one of the highlights of my year was getting to interact with these adorable/gross armadiglets. I was truly heartbroken when they all passed on, but they really did feel like the welcome wagon to our new neighborhood!

I got to travel to  Florida, Canada, Washington, Palo Alto {that's home!}, Maine, New Hampshire, Boston, Rhode Island, and Bucket even took his first flight!

We saw the coolest eclipse! We were #blessed to be in the line of totality for August's solar eclipse and it was truly magical. On an emotional level, it felt like a refresh, much like the new year is for most people, and perhaps this is TMI, but I finally got my first period post-miscarriage, which I believe was ushered in by this major cosmic event.

I had one of the best falls of my entire life. Even though I was experiencing loss right in the middle of it, I drank pumpkin spice chais to my heart's content, attended multiple pumpkin festivals, made more than 200 pumpkin muffins, threw a halloween party, and basked in the golden glow of those perfectly crisp evenings that almost never happened where I grew up. The entire fall season was truly a delight and I'm proud of myself for actually pausing to enjoy it!

We went on a weekend vacation with friends! Making friends as an adult is hard. Finding people you truly care about, and who support and care about you in return is damn near impossible. Sneaking off to the woods in late October with these extremely fine people solidified my love for Nashville. The best people live here, and I'm so lucky I met them. Thinking back on the surprise birthday they threw for me there... literally brings tears to my eyes. The week of my birthday was one of the deepest, darkest, scariest, depressing weeks of the entire year, but it was poignantly marked with a sweet celebration that was so perfectly me. Thank you, friends. You know even know how much.

I had an amazingly fun photoshoot with my hot friends. I am the luckiest. I can't stop saying that. When I comes to friends, I really do have the best ones. On my very birthday, three of the most gorgeous, hilarious, smart, and talented women in the south agreed to strip down to their my skivvies at Layman Drug Co for my holiday campaign. The photos were taken by Elaine Akin, and boy did she absolutely nail it. Thank you Cheyenne, Emily, and Ashlee. You were the best birthday present.

I went into business with my sister and cousin. In Her Right Mind was born from Maija's beautiful illustrations, refined by Ali's graphic designs, and hawked to the masses care of yours truly. Working with these two ladies to bring awareness and empower more women and girls to pursue STEM was an extremely rewarding facet to my professional life this year.

Alex and I grew deeper in love, and got more clear about our goals and aspirations for our lives. Throughout the year, during and after the losses, with facing conflict and joy, all the crazy fun we had, hard work we put into our home and jobs, and the time apart we had with all of his travel,  all that really defined our desire to work towards having a family {if we weren't sure before, we really are now!}, spend more time together {hello, southwest companion pass!}, and invest in making our home a comfortable, modern, safe haven from all the crazy {I'm ready to renovate!}.

Besides the goals I mentioned above, I have set some tangible resolutions for myself this year. They are three fold -- try one new recipe a week, go to barre two times a week, and read/listen to three books a month. I'll do my best to keep updated on the blog about that progress.

I know 2018 is going to be a great year.

I don't actually think that this will be the year that I give birth or bring a child into our home... I'm putting that off until 2019. And though it scares me to turn 30 without being a mom, I am so looking forward to trips to Florida, Boston, Alaska, and maybe Ireland or Iceland or Hawaii, celebrating my parents' 45th wedding anniversary (!!), remodeling our front porch/door and master bathroom, making big strides in my business, hosting thanksgiving in our Nashville home, attending weddings, celebrating Alex's golden birthday, and soaking up the everyday that is this wild life I get to live.

Peace out 2017! Welcome in 2018!


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