How to Buy a House in Four Thousand Easy Steps

I don't think I did a good enough job of emphasizing how truly strange of an experience it was to decide to actually make a move on this house. Sure, I was there for a few hours, but usually it takes us much longer than that to even muster an 'eh, should we bid?'

Couple that with the fact that the dude who was essentially going to bank roll this operation -- hello husband, thank you for working so hard! -- was not even there. Seriously, the guy got to peer into a back window, see some photos on a listing, watch some grainy ass facebook video, and then I was like iiiiii loooooveeeee itttttt letssss buyyyyyy itttttt!

For the week after we placed our bid, my favorite joke was that Alex and I were buying a house he hadn't even seen. Which was not so much of a joke, but a pretty scary half-truth. It felt a little nutty to put all our chips on a house that my life partner had barely even familiarized himself with.

Anyway, I know I left y'all hanging on the last house post, so let's pick up where I left off...




So, I sign all the paperwork and have Kara submit our bid. Alex is out of town, and I'm starting to come down from the high of falling in love with an inanimate object and I'm feeling pretty crummy, so I take some nyquil and pray for sleep to come, but I'm so topsy turvy I don't really know if I got much of a good night's rest.

I wake up the next morning and realize I'm actually really sick. So I hustle my hiney over to the walk-in clinic, get a strep and flu test just real quick, hit the Chick-fil-A breakfast drive through, pick up some antibiotics at the pharmacy, and decide to swing by the house to see it one more time. It's only, like, 9:30 in the morning at this point and I'm trying to hold out for 2pm when I should be hearing from Kara who will have heard from the sellers about our offer.

I'm casually driving down Old Hickory when a call comes in from Kara and I'm pretty sure I scared her a little bit since I answered in the middle of the first ring and pretty rudely said "any news?" without allowing for any small talk. Sorry, Kara. She wasn't calling to give any news on the offer, per se, but letting me know that the seller wasn't going to be able to get back to us until about 5pm, and asking for my okay on that. I didn't really want to have to wait the whole day, or allow more people to see the house but I wasn't about to throw away this house over a couple hours wait.

So I drove to the house and basically sat out there like a super huge creep while other people toured it, essentially fuming but trying to keep my hat on and a low profile. I made some calls to our mortgage lender and to Alex who was barely waking up. Kara called back to say that given the level of interest and amount of offers coming in, a letter to the seller might help to nudge the process along.

Simple. I'm into writing and I knew I could be persuasive because I was literally so super obsessed with this house I wanted to have its babies raise our future babies in it.

I whipped up the letter on my phone and sent it over to Kara with this photo that Heidi took of us sitting on our stoop before we left LA. I decided to head back to the apartment to try to sleep off whatever cold I had. But as soon as I got into bed, our mortgage lender called to say that he wanted to see some more paperwork from us before he could lock in the rate.

See? Look at us. We're a nice family. Let us live in your house.

So I put on a very professional and responsible-looking pink hoodie with llamas on it from the kids section at Target, and headed to his office. I was the absolute picture of someone who deserves to have hundreds of thousands of dollars lent to them.

While sitting in Heath's office as he pushed the numbers around for us, Kara called. Cue the mini heart attack.

She was calling to say that the seller didn't really want to accept an offer this early on, but he was willing to accept our offer if we would pay half of the title. Well, okay!!! I wasn't about to throw the whole thing out over less than a thousand dollars, so pretty much without consulting Alex, I said yes. {Sorry hun, that's what happens when you're on set and I'm trying to make big life decisions!}

A couple minutes later, after handing over nearly our entire financial history, a sample of my blood,  the promise of our first born, and one arm and a leg, we finally locked in our rate and loan and were able to move forward. Kara got back to the seller with the new agreement and...

YESSSSSSS! Offer accepted! Under contract! Contingent! All the real estate terms to say that every body else better back away from our house!!

I left the lending office, called my mom and mother in law to let them know that, oh hey guess what we are buying a house, and finally headed back to the apartment with Whole Foods sushi and Goo Goo Cluster in tow... you know, the only way to celebrate.

The only way an essentially single person with strep knows how to celebrate.

The rest of the week progressed smoothly as I anxiously awaited for Alex to come back and see the house he had just agreed to pay for, live in, and love forever. He got back late on Friday night, and wouldn't you know it? It snowed on Saturday morning! Hard. Like, hard enough to delay us seeing the house for a couple hours. Anxiety level was at 47 as we waited for the snow to melt, and for us to make out way to the place. Would Alex like it? What if he thought I made the wrong choice? What if he didn't like the office space? Had I overlooked important things like checking the breakers and looking at pipes and joists and stuff?!

So, finally, we pull up at the house and it's like the cutest little wonderland you ever did see.


Here are some other shots of that magical snowy day when Alex got to see the place for the first {real} time. I took them on my iphone and didn't edit them, so... hashtag no filter.





To my immense relief and excitement, Alex loved it! He felt that he had seen enough of it the day we hopped the fence onto the back deck, and that with a few changes, this could really be home. PHEW!!

And, if I thought the hard part was over, I was severely misguided...


I might be a tiny bit excited in this photo.

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